Things arent always what it seems.

One moment you might be having the time of your life, the next moment you are drowning in your sorrows.

One moment you are laughing along with your friends, the next moment you are fighting back your demons.

Nothing last forever. No emotion will stay that way for 24 hours. You willl either feel happy and sad, sad and angry, angry and happy, but never the same emotion for the same day.

But for once, just once, i want to be happy, just happy for one whole day. One whole day without interruptions, without thoughts of sorrow, without bits and pieces of bitterness, without tears of sadness. Just once, i want to feel extraordinarily happy. Without complications.

But when will i have that. When will i be happy. When will i be genuinely happy in this life. When will i be satisfied.

The past, the memories. Its always there. Its always etched in my mind. Always. Its always coming back to haunt me. To tell me im never good enough. Im never good looking. Im never going to get the right guy. its always come rushing back to me when im having the time of my life to tell me i dont deserve to be happy. I dont deserve to be laughing. I dont deserve to feel at ease in life. Nothing i do helps to ease the pain. Nothing i do helps to lessen the hurt. Nothing i do helps to make me feel that the past is in the past.

Im always going to get pulled back by the ghost of my past. And i dont know, i dont know how to fight it anymore. I dont know how to stay strong anymore.

I dont know and it sucks. I dont know and its terrible.

I just. I just want to be able to be okay.

Please.